Bookmarked in my Heart

Have you ever lost someone you love? Someone you treasured so dearly? Someone who meant the world to you? I’m sure it’s happened to us all at least once. But it’s not a feeling you want to experience. After being in a relationship so long, a sudden end is like a knife to the heart; it’s so unexpected and it takes the breath right out of you. You replay your final moment together in your mind over and over again, trying desperately to think of something that you could’ve done better; but in the end, once it’s over there is never any going back.

But to understand this fully, maybe I should explain how we met, over 7 years ago.

January 16th 2006, grade 5, age 12; the fateful day I fell in love. It was in the library of a school that’s long since closed, a place of so many memories. I can remember very clearly that morning in the library. It was a quiet moment, not many were there at the time and everything just fell into place. The feeling that surged through my body is like nothing I’ve felt since; something that made me ask if this is what falling in love felt like.

From that second in time onwards, we’d be inseparable. Maybe I was too young and took it all too quick, but even in that state, I knew there was something special about it. That feeling that I’ve found something truly important.

In the years to come our relationship only grew stronger. We’d spend hours together, sometimes lasting long into the night. I felt so alive though! Each time we locked eyes, the feeling I got… it’s something words can’t describe. But it always wasn’t all happy. Tough times faced us ahead, things we had no control over; but still we stuck together and faced it all. Always there for each other.

After the years of moving about, hungry nights and days wondering if I’d even have a roof over my head, I finally settled down. Now in a new place, we could return to those long hours together, something that got my mind off the problems of the world. When we sat down together, it’s was something truly special; something that made me remember what I’d miss should I have decided to end it all. Through my darkest hours… I could always get comfort.

I’ll miss those moments deeply.

Life waits for no one, it’s always moving. No matter how hard we wish we could go back and change the past, it can’t and won’t ever happen. Since our breakup I’ve been thinking everyday about how I could’ve fixed things, how I should’ve been more careful and noticed the details. I was too rushed, lost in my jumble of thoughts to think clearly; and before I knew it… it was all over… my first love was gone forever.

Why did it have to end like this?


I can’t move on without thinking about that empty spot now, always calling out to me. It can never be filled like it was before; nothing can fix this. So after 7 years together, it’s over in a heartbeat. But that’s life for you, the punishing reality of things. Accept it or not you’ll have to face it sooner or later; and if you do end up in a situation like this, please don’t mess up like I did.

So what now? I’ll have to move on, even if my heart is still back there. I know I say I’m a “guy with a dark personality” and I joke a lot about not caring about anything, but something this close to my heart I do care about.But there just isn’t anything I can do anymore.

And with that I bid you farewell, my first love. While that feeling may be gone for good, I’ll always keep all those wonderful memories with me, bookmarked in my heart.




Yes that’s right, a bookmark. I’ve lost my bookmark. Not on the computer, but for a book (you know those paper things people like to “read”) I’m talking about my autographed Julie Lawson bookmark. For all those that might not know the name, Julie is a Canadian born author of many books -some you might have read yourself- and someone who happened to come to my school 7 years ago. I helped set the library up for her presentation and in return she signed a bookmark featuring her newest books and gave it to me. Since then I’ve used it in dozens of books I’ve read and it’s come to be my favorite bookmark to use.

But sadly that all came to an end last week, on the day that love is on the minds of everyone. I had to take my Batman comic back and I somehow failed to take the bookmark out. Not only is this heartbreaking but it’s just hard for me to comprehend. I ALWAYS check to make sure if I’ve taken the bookmark out; so I’m having hard time processing out how I missed it.

Anyways, after my sister bought me my first ever manga on Monday (yeah I sadly wasn’t there to buy it), I was so excited to read it and use that bookmark. But once I began looking around for it, I realized the horrible truth. Hoping I’d just misplaced it in my room, I searched throughly but found nothing. Going to the library I wanted to see if maybe miracles do happen, but no, it was over. My autographed bookmark… is gone.


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