September. What comes to mind more than school starting? Maybe fall looming in the distance, the NHL, NFL and NBA seasons starting soon, Halloween or maybe Christmas too. Whatever you think of, school is a main thing that happens in this month, and for me it’s nothing different.
So as I don’t really like getting into what exactly is wrong with my past few years of schooling, I’ll talk about my expectations and feelings going into this semester. First off I’m nervous. Yes you read right, I’m nervous. Why? Well for many reasons, the main one being I’m not sure where I’ll be living come next Monday. Yeah “home” life is still just as fucked up as it was a few days ago, thank God tensions are a bit less, but still I’m technically homeless. Living in another person’s home while you try and find one for yourself is kinda a hard thing to do, especially for 5 people. But I’m off topic here.
Monday the 9th is when I start school. I’ll rarely say this, but I’m probably a shy person (damn it saying that aloud, sounds so lame now…) and I’m not good with talking to people (not just girls, but people in general). Yeah sure if the situation calls for it I can say what I need to and make it count, but as for everyday conversation with strangers, especially at school, I always keep my distance. Don’t get me wrong though, I do talk to people at some point, kinda hard to go through a whole class without having to talk to at least one person.
Just thinking to next Monday, I’ve already got butterflies in my stomach, my heart beats fast when I think about going back to school. I think I must be going through some usual teen phase where I worry about things like that. In the past I’ve always been nervous going to school, it’s always a bit nerve racking the first few days, but once you kinda know the crowd, things calm down. Whether or not I’ll take the time to make “friends”, I can answer that already (which would be no). Looking back at where I’ve gone since 2007, making friends and such ranks so low on my list, I hardly consider something like that important (I don’t need “friends”, pff…).
What I’m there to do is learn and pass this course. Already going back for round 2 is stupid, so I need to apply myself correctly and focus on doing the work and making sure I understand it. Math has never been a strong point for me (yes I can safely say that, do not tell me otherwise), so this time around I’m going in with full confidence that I’ll pass this course and move on in life. Plus, making friends would only slow me down, worrying about them all the time and such.
So how do I expect the first day to go? Well I’m not sure really. I wanted to make an entrance with my shoes, but we all know how well that worked out. I also wanted a laptop for this year too, also another plan that worked so well too, but whatever, you can’t always win, even if you want to. But as for the first day, I’m anxious because I’m just not sure how big the class will be, if I’ll know anyone (that’s another problem in itself) and just general things all teens worry about when it comes to the first day.
Maybe I’m just starting to ramble on because I’m nervous (damn it I hate showing unnecessary emotion, ugh) but whatever the reason, I’ve got very mixed feelings about next Monday. My positive side (yeah I’ve got a little angel trying to instill confidence in me) says I should look at this with high hopes, hit the ground running, ask questions if I don’t understand things, and try my hardest (which includes taking the help people offer (yes I’m referring to that one day on the chatbox (you know who you are) and just actually trying). On the other hand, my negative (main) side is already looking at the realistic aspect of this, how I’ll probably actually do in the course, the negative in people, and other things I’ll probably spend more time thinking about.
I’ve also got these things called “far fetched dreams” that keep appearing in my head from time to time. They’re visions of me doing well in the course, talking normally to others,
meeting a nice girl, and my home life turning out well; how do I combat these “dreams”? I hate getting a ray of hope (after all, hope is scary) it makes you start to care once more and you try to get yourself worked up by thinking everything is gonna be alright (did you know the act of saying “it’s gonna be okay” will make any bad situation worse? Weird huh?).
All things considered, I’ve got a lot of things to think about over the next few days. It’s really happening, school is starting once more. September has arrived. I need to make it real to myself, I’ve gotta go through with this and make the best of it. Come hell or high water I’ll pass this course (here I go again…) and I’ll try my hardest. I’d make a promise with myself, something to give my that fighting chance, but I can’t make a promise I can’t keep. I made this mess now, so I’ll clean it up by doing well in this course. Wow, I must have just listed off a few cliche “motivational” sayings there, wonder what that says about me now?
Okay, okay, I’ll bring this to a close. I’ve rambled for long enough. You probably hate these walls of text anyways, but whatever. So like I said a while ago, I’ll be bringing back Quotes from Math Class, showcasing the best of the best in quotes, so look forward to that. I’ll probably post random thoughts on my Twitter about school and how I feel about it between now and Monday.
But until then, I’ll say goodnight, and I’ll cya another time.