Thinking Aloud: Being Very Serious and Dreaming Vividly

Speaks for itself.
Speaks for itself.

Time now for another round of writing my thoughts out. Try to keep up.

People say I look too serious all the time, yeah maybe that’s true, but it’s not like I notice my expression all the time, I can’t see my own face. Take dinner time for example: if I’m not talking or something, someone always asks one of two questions: are you feeling well? or what’s wrong? When I go into my Serious Thinking Mode the last thing I want is to be bothered with trivial questions about if I’m sick or troubled for some reason. I know it’s the parents responsibility to make sure their children are okay 24/7 but I can’t stand being asked those questions, prompting me to usually answer with my normal “Hmm” and resume my thinking.

When I’m in this Serious Thinking Mode, I’m usually thinking about a few things: my writing, some anime, or trying to piece together some event that has me questioning my own sanity. I actually go into my Serious Thinking Mode quite a lot, hence probably why people think I look too serious all the time. It’s another extension of me not wanting to be around other people actually, I just can’t afford to have someone interrupt me in the middle of a train of thought, it’s annoying and it backs up what I’m trying to accomplish, which they might say other wise, but is very important to me.

So a while ago I mentioned this dream I had:

“So sleeping that night was rough; I’m not sure how many hours I actually slept, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t enough. I also had a super weird dream that actually bothered me quite a lot. No it wasn’t related to being evicted, but just something totally random. I’m a bit embarrassed to retell it, as it was kinda… well it’s not something I dream about at all really, but I’ll leave it at it involved a girl and something strange happened (God that sounds so bad I know, but have an open and clean mind and don’t think of something terrible, I’ll feel worse for putting this in a post) Normally I’m not bothered by much (okay that’s a bit too general) but my dreams are never too weird that they bother me. This was an exception on a few levels; I woke up soon after and as I’m writing this post, hours later, I’m still thinking through what exactly happened. I’m sure it was just the stress of such a hectic day, but really… I’m not sure what to think of it. I’ve had dreams similar to that but never that… different. And the fact that it felt so real and like I actually knew everyone in the dream just added to the overall weirdness of it. But I’ll leave it at that.”

Remember this? Well I’m still thinking about it still. Not as vividly as before, but on and off it comes to mind. I’m still trying to figure out why I had this dream as it was totally not my usual dream. I’m not as troubled by it anymore, but just the initial feeling I had after waking up… man I was bothered. Do you ever have dreams that bother you for a while after? How do you normally deal with them? What probably bothered me the most about this dream… hmm, I’m not sure if I wanna tell… but I’ll just go ahead anyways. Don’t get the wrong idea because I know it’s gonna sound strange. Personally just as one of those things, I don’t like people touching me. A friendly slap on the back and/or shoulder is fine, same goes for a hand shake, but just general touching, I’m not down for that in anyway. This dream had a moment in it that someone crossed that line (bear with me okay, we’ve all got clean minds, use ’em) and I felt my personal comfort zone shattered.

Yeah it was still a dream, but I felt so awkward as I couldn’t stand it in anyway. Context out the window, some girl was within extreme close proximity and she placed her hands around me as if she was trying to hug me. Whether or not I actually flinched in my sleep I’m not sure, but I can vividly remember that I just wanted to wake up and be out of that situation at all costs. But as all dreams are, you never move how you want too or when you do it’s suddenly like a Michael Bay movie where the scene goes all slow mo on you; either way I tried to move away but couldn’t and was subject to having to hug this girl (whom by the way I have no idea who she was, I’ve never seen her in my life (this or the last one) and I’m not sure why she seemed so familiar too). Then as if things weren’t already on a downwards spiral, she looks into my eyes. Why did she do that? More importantly: why was there more than normal detail for her eyes. I can remember exactly what her eyes look like, that image is so clear. That also stayed with me for a while yet.

So as I’ve probably embarrassed myself more than enough for today, I’ll stop here. We all have weird dreams here and there, right? I’m not the only one who’s had a dream where things just happen and it’s all weird. I was confused, weirded out, and the works for a while after. It’s still on my mind and I have a feeling it might be for a while yet. I’m sure somewhere deep within this dream there is a reason behind what it all means, but something’s are better off left a mystery.

And in other news I got my math test back today, 20.5/39 which equals 52% I’m pretty sure (correct me if I’m wrong). Passing grade? HA! It’s not an F so it’s an improvement for sure!

I’ll talk later.




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